17/10/10

Feeling so strong you’re at the edge of a cyclone or huge hurricane. You’re about to go over, if you don’t constantly fight, into some new territory where the winds are whirling madly and there’s no stability and your head bursts open. You still can’t contain yourself, the feeling’s so strong, your heart’s pumping too fast and your flesh is burning: your only sense of yourself is that the world’s sky has turned over inside you and that churning air is rushing out in every direction into the rest of the world and you can’t fight it and the churning air becomes a force, a demonic force that exists outside of you as do all the forces of the world. All you can do is learn. Maybe, gradually, you can learn to control this force: to keep it open so that you don’t destroy the other person and/or the other person doesn’t destroy you which is how most love affairs end. But all you do is stupidly and obviously unsuccessfully fight the force that is tearing all fo you apart.
Kathy Acker